I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
