He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
