Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
