Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
