Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
