so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
