How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
