You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
