false alarm. still invincible.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
