Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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