Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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