Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
