My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
