It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
