do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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