I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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