We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Those nachos came to me in a dream
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
