ya dads aren't the best wingmen
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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