today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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