yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
