he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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