I'm eating all of the evidence.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
