last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
