so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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