I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
