Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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