RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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