I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Randomize
