shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
