you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
