how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
