She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
