I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
