Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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