If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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