so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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