I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Porn is love you can see.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
