Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
