We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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