The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
