WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
