I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
