Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
