you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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