pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
