You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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