he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
