I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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