My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
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