maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
