she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
you never un-have a 4some
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
