I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
